I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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