Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
