he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
