dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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