Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm too high and old for this...
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