I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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