Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
