dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
