Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
