I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
