So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
It's blow job season.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
