Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He felt like a one man threesome
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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