worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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