As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
