the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
