Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I have already put on my inside pants.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Randomize
