I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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