you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
