I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
