Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
