You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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