we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
