nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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