In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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