I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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