the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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