I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Duck Duck Cougar?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
