there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Randomize
