I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
