so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
