pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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