you would pick up someone in the library
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
