I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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