I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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