but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
