____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Randomize
