I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
