Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
