my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
