You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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