i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
