great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize