went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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