Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
