"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
