What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
