it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
