allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
