'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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