Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
