You really coming over, don't trick.
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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