so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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