Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
