i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
