and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
