Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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