my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
