saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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