So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
