Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
