I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
