We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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