It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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