If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
