i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
