Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize