Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
