yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
