you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
