I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My penis needs a shock collar
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
