Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
