shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
