tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
