I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
