I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
