I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
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