party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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