Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
