Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
