Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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