Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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