I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize