I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
