Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The feeling are messing with the penis
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
