Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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