I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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