Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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