i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Randomize
