It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
