Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
