oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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