My liver just broke up with me...
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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