My balls are so social today.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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