i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
