I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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