his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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