I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
