his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
