i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize