I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize