i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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