Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
