Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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