No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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