Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
